Rachel Sarah XO

Hello there, me again.
Not having the greatest time at the moment in the way of anxiety and emotions and what not. I'm on the verge of dropping out of college because when I do manage to get myself into college I can't concentrate because I'm worried about having a panic attack and then when I'm not at college I'm getting behind on work and everything's just piling up and leaving me feeling awful. I just feel like if I don't get the work done I'm never going to even pass this course and then I'll have to re-do the entire year, whereas if I drop out now, work on my anxiety and get my head sorted I can return next year and start a fresh, because let's face it if I fail this course this year and don't get on to level 3, I'm going to feel like a huge failure. To me, my mental health comes first, my non-compulsary education comes second. The sooner I get my head sorted, the sooner I'll start doing better at college. Everything's just a bit blah at the moment. I'm sorry this post and my last post were a bit kind of negative, but that's just what's happening at the moment and I can't really help that. I'm trying to keep on going with my blog and I'm quite proud I've even lasted the few weeks I have without forgetting about it, haha!

That's all for now,
Rachel. xo

Hello there,
So this is going to be an anxiety/mental health related post. A couple of weeks ago I went to the doctors about getting counselling again because let's just say, my old counsellor made my anxiety so much worse so I got referred to the Wellbeing Service run by the NHS, I'm kind of sceptical but I had a telephone assessment and my new counsellor told me that it sounds like I live a pretty miserable life as it sounds like I'm living in constant terror, which is correct so I didn't have to spell that out to her but whatever. She's offering me CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), graded exposure (to ease me in to going places by myself) and behavioural experiments (contributing to mental health research by doing things like discussing fears, plans of actions and keeping diaries) and then after a few months of that I'll go onto long term counselling (I'm not going to go into too much detail but my parents, GP and counsellor reckon I have too many years of not very nice things happen to me (mainly bullying) to just undergo a few months of counselling, she said the long-term counselling could range from a year to 6 years so that's good I suppose, at least I know I'm not going to get discharged from the service after 6 months without any notice. So that's what going on in the way of counselling, hopefully I can get my life back on track.

That's all for now,
Rachel xo