Rachel Sarah XO

Hey guys!
I feel I've been slacking a bit on my posts lately and I haven't had the chance to buy many beauty items lately, there won't be a review for a week or so yet (sorry!) but I do hope you've all entered my giveaway to win a gorgeous bridal/prom tiara!

This post will be written entirely from my experiences with anxiety and panic attacks throughout my school and college life. So in November I actually wasn't able to deal with my panic attacks and anxiety in college and ended up dropping out 2 months in, so this post may seem a bit hypocritical, but I survived 5 years of high school at least!

My panic attacks really kicked in when I started my new high school in year 8, my mum took me to the doctors and the woman thought I just had really bad asthma (any good doctor would be able to tell, that was not the case).
I actually went through school without telling my teachers anything about my social anxiety and panic attacks (although I'm sure they'd already noticed) until maybe, end of year 10 when my attendance started getting so bad, I'd make up any lie to make sure they weren't aware of what was going on because at that time I felt alone and ashamed about what was wrong with me, I felt weird. I went to countless amounts of attendance meetings with the heads of the school and the school governors and it wasn't until they threatened my mum with court that I finally went to the deputy head (who always ran the attendance meetings) and told her what was happening, that just made school 50% easier, I didn't have to worry about my attendance as much as I was, I had a reason for walking out of lessons mid-way through when I felt panicky and the school did so much to try and support me, I no longer had to go to assemblies (that was when my anxiety was at it's peak, sitting on the floor in a crowded sports hall with a couple hundred people just scared the shit out of me basically) so my form tutor and deputy head found a way for me to still do something during form time when I was meant to be at assembly, I'd go and see the school counsellor lady and she'd work on helping me with my panic attacks and she'd help with any work I was struggling with. The one thing I was so appreciative of, I realised the November before my exams when I was doing my mock exams that my panic attacks was worse in exams than ever, I was able to sit in a classroom with about 10 other people (which was sooo much better than sitting in room with a hundred or so kids.)
Now, the social anxiety side of things wasn't so fun either, I found it really hard to talk to anybody outside of my friendship group and then, even talking to people in my friendship group at the time was pretty hard, it wasn't until I'd fully learnt to trust my friends that I was completely comfortable talking to them. I was unable to work with other people in the class, I was quiet and just sat at the back in most of my lessons, I wouldn't dare participate in lessons which often got me in trouble.

Sometimes I don't know what I'd have done without Shauna, Rachel and Karis in my final year at school. Shauna was the one that was always there in my lessons and if I ever had a panic attack, she'd explain to the teacher what was going on if  I just walked out of a lesson and if I needed to calm myself down, she was there. Rachel and Karis were always there for me and they were the only people that knew about what was going on that I didn't feel were judging me for it, they're the most understanding people. I know I'm not easy to be friends with but they were there for me when my anxiety was at it's worst and I couldn't be more grateful.

Unfortunately I failed all of my exams and it's probably to do with the fact I had about two panic attacks in each exam, but hey, I tried my best!

Tips for college/school:

• Let the school/college know as soon as you feel something is not quite right or as soon as you've been diagnosed. It takes a lot to speak to someone in authority about such a private subject, but your teachers will only want the best for you and high school will seem a lot easier once you've told them.
• There's absolutely nothing wrong with sticking to your friendship group and don't ever feel like you have to mix with others in your class, if the school/college are aware of your problem, likelyhood is, they may make an exception and let you stay with your friends when doing group work.
• There are going to be people who'll ask you 'oh, why did you walk out of the lesson?', you can either tell them what happened or tell them to bugger off, it's none of their business. As long as the teachers are aware you've walked out and know the reason why, they're the only people that need to know.
• Try your hardest to participate in lessons, I've learnt that no one even cares if you get the answer wrong, you're more likely to get praised for having a go than not trying at all.
• If you need extra support, ask for it. Don't go through your entire high school life worrying about everything. If you need extensions on coursework because your attendance is bad, ask for it. If you need someone to help you with exam stress, ask for it. You're going to seem a lot more determined to get through high school and do well therefore you're probably going to be allowed the extra support. If you go to school on the odd occasion and don't ask for the work you've missed and don't complete the coursework in time without a reasonable excuse, the school/college aren't going to care, you're going to come across as lazy and they won't want to help you.
• You may not need the extra support, you may just need the school/college to get off your back about your attendance but if they offer the support, might aswell take it, it's going to help you so much more in the long run.
• Finally, if you're worried about your exams, tell someone. If you feel like you're not sure about a piece of work you've studied that's sure to come up in the exam, tell whatever teacher that teaches you that subject and of course they'll help you. Teachers only want you to do the best you can and if any little push can help towards passing your exams, they're going to take the opportunity to help.

So, this blog post has been long awaited. I feel now is the right time to do is as I've been awake for most the night having on and off panic attacks. I'm just going to explain what is a panic attack, what are the symptoms of a panic attack, how to recognise if someone is having a panic attack and how to cope when having a panic attack yourself.

What is a panic attack?

Official definition: Panic Attack - A sudden overwhelming feeling of acute and disabling anxiety.
A panic attack is caused when our body reaches the highest level of anxiety it possibly can. You have a panic attack when your body goes into fight or flight mode (your body goes into this state when it feels you're in a particularly dangerous situation.) When the body goes into fight or flight mode it lets off a huge rush of adrenaline in your body, this is the start of a panic attack.

Symptoms of a panic attack / how to recognise if someone is having a panic attack:

I have panic attacks on an almost daily basis and it's one of the most awful things I've ever experienced physically and psychologically. But don't worry, you won't die. I say this because one of the most awful psychological symptoms of a panic attack is feeling like you're having a heart attack or that you're going to die (sounds silly but even though I know I'm not going to die because of a panic attack, I still think about it). The reason why you're not going to have a heart attack or die mid-attack is because there's just so much adrenaline going round your body, your brain won't have time to shut down all of your organs as it's trying to focus on all of the other physical symptoms that's going on at the same time.
Physical symptoms include:

• Heart palpitations / irregular heart beats.
• Sweating.
• Trembling.
• Hyperventilation (which leads to lack of oxygen in your body.)
• Dizziness.
• Nausea (which can sometimes lead to vomiting.)
• Feeling faint (this usually comes when your panic attack is coming to an end as your body is just so exhausted.)
• Choking sensation.
• Numbness / pins and needles (most common in fingertips.)
• Needing to go to the toilet.
• Shaking.

Hello there, me again.
Not having the greatest time at the moment in the way of anxiety and emotions and what not. I'm on the verge of dropping out of college because when I do manage to get myself into college I can't concentrate because I'm worried about having a panic attack and then when I'm not at college I'm getting behind on work and everything's just piling up and leaving me feeling awful. I just feel like if I don't get the work done I'm never going to even pass this course and then I'll have to re-do the entire year, whereas if I drop out now, work on my anxiety and get my head sorted I can return next year and start a fresh, because let's face it if I fail this course this year and don't get on to level 3, I'm going to feel like a huge failure. To me, my mental health comes first, my non-compulsary education comes second. The sooner I get my head sorted, the sooner I'll start doing better at college. Everything's just a bit blah at the moment. I'm sorry this post and my last post were a bit kind of negative, but that's just what's happening at the moment and I can't really help that. I'm trying to keep on going with my blog and I'm quite proud I've even lasted the few weeks I have without forgetting about it, haha!

That's all for now,
Rachel. xo

Hello there,
So this is going to be an anxiety/mental health related post. A couple of weeks ago I went to the doctors about getting counselling again because let's just say, my old counsellor made my anxiety so much worse so I got referred to the Wellbeing Service run by the NHS, I'm kind of sceptical but I had a telephone assessment and my new counsellor told me that it sounds like I live a pretty miserable life as it sounds like I'm living in constant terror, which is correct so I didn't have to spell that out to her but whatever. She's offering me CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), graded exposure (to ease me in to going places by myself) and behavioural experiments (contributing to mental health research by doing things like discussing fears, plans of actions and keeping diaries) and then after a few months of that I'll go onto long term counselling (I'm not going to go into too much detail but my parents, GP and counsellor reckon I have too many years of not very nice things happen to me (mainly bullying) to just undergo a few months of counselling, she said the long-term counselling could range from a year to 6 years so that's good I suppose, at least I know I'm not going to get discharged from the service after 6 months without any notice. So that's what going on in the way of counselling, hopefully I can get my life back on track.

That's all for now,
Rachel xo